“The Vector Files” – Really sad jokes for geeks in digital
Recently at Saint, there has been a growing movement where people have been creating jokes which would be appreciated by those who use Photoshop, Illustrator, Flash etc.
Although this is more than a little tragic, some other ‘people’ may find these jokes amusing. So, i thought it would be worthwhile putting them on the blog. If i start the ball rolling with some, hopefully the others will chuck some more up. Richard Barrett is the master at this and has asked if he could anonymously post some. So, yes, by all means Rich, please do. Hopefully we can get enough material that it ‘could’ fill an entire stand up routiene – if your audience were ‘niche’ enough.
I warn you in advance, this is some very subtle humour.
1)
Q: Why did the psd cross the road?
A: Coz it wanted to get flattened
2)
A vector file went on holiday to Jamaica
It came back rasterised
Here are some visual Photoshop Jokes that i have nicked from the interweb
3) texture fill
texture_fill
4) radial blur
radial_blur
5) feathered boa
feathered_boa
6) angled strokes
7) air brush
There’s more…
Tags: .ai, .as, .fla, flash, geek, illustrator, jokes, photoshop, psd
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
What do you call a scaleable graphic which is also a serial killer?
Hannibal Vector!!!!!!!!!!
Amazing.
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Two married print-ready bitmaps were having an argument.
It was just a lover’s Tiff.
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
CSS is for DIVs
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
How did the German Photoshop go fishing?
With a very vignette.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Why does a bitmap spider get a mortgage?
Save for Web.
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
i was locked out of my photoshop file last night.
i’d lost marquee.
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Who is the Mexican Flash symbol’s nemesis?
His evil tween.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Why was there no music in the Church of Photoshop on Sunday?
They forgot to Twain Acquire
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:04 pm
What’s angry, and makes honey in onscreen colours?
An RGB.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Why did the paragraph seek revenge?
He felt he was justified.
Why print police not arrest him?
They couldn’t find the proof.
Why did none of the witnesses recognize him?
Because he wore a layer mask.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
What do you call a font execution?
A character assassination.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:34 pm
How do you know when a large Photoshop file sounds bored?
Because of the Image Size.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Darth Photoshop had captured the Millennium Falcon and it’s crew.
“Only kill the princess” he orders his troops.
Hours later he is informed that everyone who was aboard has been killed.
“No” he says “Adjustment Layer”.
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:12 pm
*Internet explorer goes into a shop. The shopkeeper says can I help you?
Internet explorer replies, ‘Nah, just browsing’.
*Other browsers are available.
Copyright Kirit Patel
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Dreamweaver orders a steak in a restaurant.
The waiter asks, ‘do you want to view sauce?’
Copyright Kirit Patel
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
When did the copywriter finally come to terms with his re-directed train journey?
When he accepted the track changes.
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:35 am
Photoshop phones up the Happy Mondays.
The voice on the end of the line says ‘Hello? Bezier”
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:51 pm
This year’s “Flash on the Beach” features a live performance by Public Enemy!
There will be a special appearance from Flavor .fla
He has just got out of prison having served a 10 stretch for popping a cap in someone’s .as
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Photoshop was urinating into the ocean, what noise did he make?
A sepia tone.
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
What type of hairstyle does a computer input device have?
A keyboard shortcut and sides.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:04 pm
the haridresser couldn’t find his scissors, so he had to give the computer a [cmd] F lat top
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Photoshop’s favourite sandwich filler?
Copyand Paste.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Photoshop was so angry with Episode II of Star Wars that he trod on the floor very angrily.
It was an Attack of the Clone Stamp.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Photoshop’s favourite aftershave?
CMYK One.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Photoshop was at the circus, he went up to the refreshment stall and asked whether they had any alcohol as the clowns freaked him out a bit and he needed to calm his nerves.
“We have got beer here” said the guy behind the bar.
“I was after something a little stronger” said Photoshop.
“Ah” said the bartender, “Then you’ll have to see the Acrobat Distiller”.
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
When Flavor .fla was reaching the end of his 10 stretch, the prison decided that he may need a bit of help adjusting to the outside world.
So, they sent him to transition classes
April 23rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Why did the Action Scripter’s baby die?
Because it climbed into the cleaning cupboard and drank a bottle of Flash.
April 23rd, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Photoshop was wandering around the Adobe offices when he saw a strange figure in the corner stitching nightmares together.
“Whose that?” he asked his best bud Illustrator.
“Be careful of him” Illustrator replied “He’s the Dreamweaver”.
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Photoshop got married to TextEdit. Later at the reception he asked her who the members of her family were he hadn’t met before.
“Well” she said, “over there you have Cousin Monicker, that there is Uncle Doppleganger, and next to him is Anti Alias”.
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Serial Killer Hannibal Vector had kidnapped and murdered a woman. He spent the next few days mailing bits of her face to her relatives; first the ears, then the mouth and the nose, after that he was planning to Posterize.
April 24th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
A layer mask goes into the gym.
The instructor says ‘so what do you want to get out of the gym?’
The layer mask says, ‘I just want to keep in shape’.
Copyright Kirit Patel
April 30th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
What is an Italian’s favourite colour swatch library?
Panettone